Bullycide Takes Another Child

    "Bullycide" is a term that Neil Marr and Tim Field coined in referring to those children who chose the shadows of death rather than one more day of being bullied. Bullying is not new, but it has become more vicious and insidious with technology allowing 24/7 harassment that with one simple click can rapidly spread rumors with no way to stop them. Once the word is out there, you can't take it back. You can't recover what you regret. 

   Jamey (Jamie) Rodemeyer, 14 years old, took his life last week in Buffalo, New York, after relentlessly inspiring others with the words, "It gets better." Words and mantras can only provide hope for just so long. Unless the environment and culture changes, the pain speaks louder than words that provide no solace and no solutions. 

Jamey was bullied continuously for his sexual orientation. The fact is that it has not gotten better and it won't until we accept the fact that the problem is not isolated, but rather systemic. Until compassion is learned and caring cultures are created, we will continue to lose our greatest resources...our children. Jamie follows many before him as 

I have sited below.  Nothing changes until "you" do. Please take action now. 

     Brian Head, a quiet, caring and talented fifteen year old, walked into his economics class with a gun to his head and announced, "I can't take this anymore," and pulled the trigger. He wrote poetry and in his last poem he revealed his experiences of being bullied. Brian said he was seen by his peers "as an insignificant 'thing,' something to be traded, mangled, and mocked." Brian found comfort in the darkness of death to end the pain. 

     He continued to write, "In the shadows, their evil eyes cannot stare my soul into oblivion...I am free to move without their judgmental eyes on me...I can sleep without dreams of despair and deception. In the shadows I am home."  

     I was taught many years ago that suicide was anger turned inward. While suicide is violence inflicted upon oneself, with those choosing bullycide, I believe it is more of a desperate attempt to end the pain. Unfortunately, they see no other option in their darkest moments. It is our responsibility to make sure resources are there for them and they know how to access them. 

     Compared to students not bullied, those who continue to endure the trauma of being bullied show a higher rate of depression, anxiety, drugs, alcohol abuse, and school failure. Unfortunately, people bullied often internalize the putdowns and turn on themselves by kicking themselves for not being good enough. While the bully may eventually go away, the low self-esteem and internalized emotions of powerlessness and hopelessness do not. They often haunt the victim forever unless their therapy has been successful. This is why we must take action now! 

The LGBT Community Requests Respect

    Bullycide is most prevalent among those who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender where harassment is considerably more frequent. Nine out of ten gay students report being bullied, giving them little escape from assaults.  Until there is greater awareness and understanding, respecting differences will continue to be our greatest challenge in bringing dignity and equality to all people.a basic human.  

A resource I highly recommend is supported by Dan Savage and other celebrities. Check out www.itgetsbetter.org. 

          Corey Bernstein, a sixteen year old activist in the anti-bullying movement, shared a quote from Dr. Seuss that gives a positive perceptive: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Those people who truly care and support us don't even see differences. Love brings us together and unites humanity to make each of us stronger.

      Corey decided to take action and emphasizes that we all need to be who we are for authenticity has its own reward.  His concern was that although TV shows like Glee show gay people in a positive light, they often reinforce stereotypes of how gay people act.  He stressed the dangers of labeling and stereotyping because both limit our perceptions and acceptance of others. 

     We must teach a tolerance and respect for differences from an early age on. Corey emphasized that it is crucial for a child to be exposed to different people and varying lifestyles at an early age. Since it is human nature to be wary of or reject the unfamiliar or what we don't understand, children must be exposed to social and cultural differences in their homes and schools as well. Corey mentioned that children's books with same-sex parents are being written, but many school districts will not allow them in their libraries.  

Tragedy Motivates Action

     Corey knew he was different or gay in about 6th grade. He was constantly bullied and harassed and thus in the 7th grade he left the public school and received the dignity he deserved in a private school. He no longer was harassed and he could now focus on academics rather than his safety. He strongly felt that the difference was the attitudes and actions of the school's leadership that had anti-bullying polices in place. The principal and teachers were proactive whenever a bullying incident occurred and did not conveniently look the other way. 

     Safe environments can and must be created in all schools for a student's only choice may be a public school. Although Corey did switch to a private school, it was socioeconomically diverse.  Children without financial resources were given a scholarship if they were academically qualified. Rich or poor, bullies come from families that are judgmental, rigid and extreme in their beliefs.

     Unfortunately, it is human nature to not take action until there is a tragedy. I previously mentioned Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers student who jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge after being a victim of cyberbullying.  Only after this tragedy and a series of bullycides was action finally taken.  My question is how many more children will have to take their lives before we take the necessary actions to create and sustain safe environments and caring communities?   

Gay Activists: Strongest Anti-Bullying Force

     The LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) community is one of the strongest forces to support social change and eliminate bullying. Corey's home state, New Jersey, is a leader in mandating anti-bullying programs. Each school's performance is then posted on the internet to

 improve accountability.  Bully Police is an organization that also  grades all states on their anti-bullying programs and makes their performance known on the internet. In an article written in Out In New Jersey by journalist Chip Alfred, Corey was cited as the driving force behind the Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) at his school. Corey also coordinated the school's Ally Week and Day of Silence, both organized by GLSEN (the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network) in a nationwide effort to identify and support Allies against anti-LGBT language and harassment. It received the support of almost the entire student body.

     Corey has also been recognized by the Equality Forum and by GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network Garden State Equality. The list of Corey's initiatives is endless and at age sixteen he demonstrates greater organizational and managerial skills than many CEO's. He demonstrates the power of one! 

Edie Raether, known as the bully buster, is an international speaker, parenting coach and bestselling author of seven books including Stop Bullying Now. 

A behavioral psychology expert and family therapist, Edie has also been a college professor and talk show host with ABC. Visit www.stopbullyingwithedie.com. Contact her at edie@raether.com or (704) 658-8997