Downers Grove, IL

Thursday, October 22, 2009

It's October 23, 2009 and time for…

Dale Irvin's Friday Funnies

The world has officially turned upside down. We started off this week watching the travels of "Balloon Boy" as he ate snacks in the attic while the rest of the world sat glued to the TV actually believing that there was a kid INSIDE of a helium balloon. It would have been believable if they told us there was popcorn inside that balloon but not a whole kid. Then, we get the news that Rio, the host city for the 2016 Olympics that thinks they're better than Oprah, had a police helicopter shot out of the sky by a drug gang. Next, we hear that this season's "Celebrity Apprentice" will include the delusional former governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, and to close out the week, Marge Simpson appears naked in Playboy.

It's like living in "Backwards World" where everything that happens is the opposite of what you'd expect. Here then, are the Friday Seriousnesses.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW

? Hair Today, Sold Tomorrow – Last week Sotheby's in Chicago auctioned off a wad of Elvis' hair for $15,000 and in London, several strands of Michael Jackson's hair went on the auction block, but in Cleveland, Ohio, the International Women's Air and Space Museum got scalped. They thought they were in possession of a lock of Amelia Earhart's hair but after a DNA test, it turns out that Amelia's hair is actually a piece of thread! They have renamed the exhibit "Amelia Earhart's wig string."

? This Is Just Weird – Rickey Kempter of Cheyenne, Wyoming is accused of passing counterfeit money. The thing that makes this crime so wrong is that he tried to pass them on a stripper. Allegedly Kempter hired an exotic dancer for a private dance. Then, he and the dancer took a cab to the Hot Sheet Hotel and Kempter handed the cab driver a roll of $50 bills and told him to hold them for him. The cabbie called the police when he noticed that the bills were unevenly cut and had portraits of Alex Trebek on them. Kempter said he made the bills as a joke and that he was going to go home and get real money to pay the dancer. If convicted, he faces up to 20 years in prison where he will learn a whole new meaning to "pay the dancer."

? Hey Santa, Are Those Toys In Your Bag? – Michael Conway was arrested in Salem, Mass. for three car robberies. A patrolman saw him walking around at 3 AM with an empty leather bag and an hour later, he saw him again with a full bag. When the patrolman asked him what was in the bag, Conway said it was full of his ex-wife's sex toys, but when the officer looked inside he found credit cards, an iPod, and a GPS device. Either these were stolen goods or Conway's ex liked to listen to music while she had expensive sex in the middle of nowhere.

? This Is What Happens When Social Security Fails – A 92 year old Brazilian woman in a wheelchair was arrested in Madrid, Spain when she attempted to smuggle in 9.5 pounds of cocaine taped to her legs and body. She was also hard to catch. Apparently a coked up old lady in a wheelchair is capable of reaching speeds of 30 MPH.

Dale Irvin

Professional Summarizer

Downers Grove, IL

630-852-7695