Each couple may rate a different relationship problem as the #1 cause of their misery, frustration, and suffering. But most couples report a lack of intimacy as the biggest nightmare for them because any marriage or partnership without emotional and physical bonding feels like two siblings living in the same house, two friends who are housemates, or two people who aren’t friends anymore who are stuck living in the same house! Who wants that? No one!

For most couples, living without enough emotional and physical intimacy may be fine when they think about reaching their 90th birthday, but even for many elderly couples, loving and intimate touch is a requirement for staving off the depression that often morphs into a chronic disease. A client recently admitted his shoulder always hurts and has hurt for years. What he didn’t know is hot sex can often eliminate all physical pain for hours. His wife has given him “the cold shoulder for eight years,” so his shoulder pain is not a coincidence.

Whether the lack of intimacy is linked to emotional, biochemical, or physical changes in either partner, there are effective solutions.

How to solve the relationship problem at the core of your struggles

1. ?When compassion goes, passion no longer flows.

The #1 reason physical intimacy disappears is not physical. It is a lack of compassion. Whether this is a problem for you or your partner, your marriage suffers and will struggle to survive. Learn to give your partner empathy with kind and loving words and actions, and little by little or all at once, you will find yourself being touched and loved again.

2. Empathy is the #1 Solution to Regaining Emotional and Physical Intimacy

Regaining emotional and physical intimacy requires some steps and some examples. To get started, here are some scripts that have worked for thousands of my clients.

3. Connecting to emotions

A couple who had grown apart, and the husband has begun to learn a few simple empathy sentences to bridge the gap between him and his wife.

“I know that lately, we’ve been pretty disconnected, and I’m guessing you’ve felt frustrated because you deserve to have me understand what you’re feeling, right?

“YES!” she says rather shocked.

“When I forgot date night for the last two months you probably assumed I was no longer interested in being romantic with you, yes?”

“Well…..” she replies.

“And when I went fishing with my friends and didn’t suggest that you and I take a romantic trip soon, you may have thought our marriage was in trouble, right, dear?”

“Yes, you do!” she says, feeling the pain she has been swallowing for months.

When your partner begins to connect to their feelings of disappointment, discouragement, or even anger, that’s a good sign.

Empathy always works, and it clears the air every time. The only thing to consider is how much empathy you offer your partner in a specific situation. It varies from partner to partner and changes based on how upset, angry, frustrated, scared, or sad they might be. Continue offering empathy until you feel a shift in your partner, a release, and you may suddenly see a smile or get a huge hug, which tells you that you are back on track together as a loving couple.

For the rest of this article and for my Heartspace® scripts that work beautifully to reconnect you both with love, passion, intimacy, and peace, please visit my yourtango.com Blog and ENJOY!