Monday, March 14, 2011

 A few weeks ago I was approached by a consultant who asked for my help with his clients: the owners, who were related, were fighting like cats and dogs. Their level of animosity was such that they couldn't objectively decide or choose what was best for them, for their clients, for their employees, and for their business. Their own consultant asked me to speak with them to see if there was a way to work through their differences. Unfortunately, their relationship was in such bad shape that they gave up to a buy out before we even met.

This is not uncommon in family-owned businesses. High emotions may ruin the decision-making process, forcing hasty decisions. What can be done?

1. Identify that your strained relationship is affecting your business: Unfortunately, many business owners tend to ask for help when the "little" problem is a huge problem. Denial or avoidance of the problem will have a profound impact on this delay. The thinking behind the scenes is: "If I don't see the problem, it does not exist," or "If I ignore it, it will resolve on its own." While many minor issues are resolved through time with little effort, major conflict is not. Identify the problem and, instead of focusing on the strained relationship, find a point of common ground to work together to resolve the problem. Begin by saying something like: "We haven't had a great conversation in a while, but let's try to resolve our differences. This is affecting our business and we're both losing."

2. Set up a time to discuss ways in which you will resolve your business problems: You may avoid conversations altogether. Once you have agreed that you both need to resolve the problem, set a date and time in which you can highlight the points you need to resolve and decide a plan of action. If your relationship has deteriorated significantly. Find a consultant, mediator, or third party that will help you stay focused on your plan.

3. Avoid fixating on the past: "It's all because of what happened twenty years ago," "You never liked me," "You were always jealous of me," "You were always the favorite," or "You don't know how hard it was for me, everything was always easy for you." These and more expressions are an example of being stuck in the past. Be the adult, state there's nothing you can do to resolve what happened when you were teens, and try to have your family member focus on leading the business forward.

4. Who's the boss? Family dynamics get tricky here; mom and dad left the business to brother and brother, sister and sister, brother and sister, but who's the boss? How can all decisions be made with 50/50 leverage? If there's conflict, who wins? When family dynamics are compromised by poor interaction, bad feelings, animosity, jealousy, envy, or overt hatred, there will be dire consequences on the business. Business partners who are not related may have challenges but the emotional intensity in family-owned businesses raise the temperature by ten degrees. Keep it cool, listen to your partner's suggestions, highlight what's best for the business, for your clients, and for you as your guiding force.

5. Do you prefer to have a business partner or to keep your family relationship intact? Although many family partners struggle, others have a blast and are able to maintain healthy business and family partners. Discuss business during business hours and leave business at the workplace when you are in family situations. This will help you enjoy the business relationship separately from the family relationship. Make sure you know what's important to you. At the end of the day, it may not be so hard to find another business partner but it will be impossible to find another child, sibling, cousin, parent, or spouse.

Gabriela Cora, MD, MBA. Dr. Gaby Cora is a leadership and well-being consultant to corporations in critical situations and to transitioning leaders of multi-million dollar family businesses. Some of her clients include the Coca-Cola Company, Pfizer Pharmaceuticals, Blue Bunny, Home Financing Center, and Universal Group. She's the author of ExecutiveHealth.com's Leading Under Pressure (Career Press, 2010).