FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Even as fewer marriages dissolve in the current recession, there is no shortage of divorce and its effects on children

BOULDER, Colo. - Divorce rates and the economy rise and fall together: as the economy sinks, so too does the divorce rate, and this recession hasn't called this correlation into question. Still, divorce rates remain high in the United States despite the sluggish economy, leaving millions of children to cope with a newly divided house.

As a parent, how do you make sure that your children remain stable and emotionally healthy after you've called your marriage quits?

"Your duties to your spouse are largely absolved upon divorcing, but this is absolutely untrue of your duties to your children," says Anne P. Mitchell, a leading fathers' rights attorney. "You may no longer feel affection for your husband or wife, but if you have kids together, you need to find a way to work together for their sake."

In the interest of achieving this end, Mitchell has compiled the following list to help divorced parents raise well-adjusted children:

1) Acknowledge and accept that your children need an ongoing, meaningful relationship with both of their parents. Your children love and need both of you, even if you don't love and need each other.

2) Never speak badly about the other parent if your children could possibly hear you. This will lead your children to think that you don't want them to spend time with their mom or dad, who they still depend on. Moreover, children are largely aware of their identity, so if you demonized the other parent, you demonize half of your child's sense of self.

3) Acknowledge and accept that you most co-parent with your ex until your child turns 18. You may want your former spouse out of your life, but this isn't possible if you have children who are minors. It's best for everyone, especially your children, if both parents can respect each other as parents and work together accordingly.

4) Try to understand your ex's perspective and motivations. Your ex wife isn't always after more money, and your ex husband isn't only interested in depriving you of what's rightfully yours. In the majority of cases, maintaining a relationship with one's children is the primary goal for parents undergoing a divorce - the sooner you realize this, the better off you'll be.

5) Family law is codified in a particular way, and you can't do anything about it - get over it. Fighting certain laws regarding attorney's fees, child support and so on is an exercise in futility, so don't even try.

6) Don't point fingers. Most states now have "no-fault" divorce, meaning that the Court should not, and in almost all cases will not, care about what party did what. Pointing out the flaws of your former spouse in court will backfire.

7) Participate in co-parent counseling. Sometimes this is viewed with suspicion because one parent thinks that the other is trying to restore the marriage, but as long as it is made clear up front that this is not the intention of the counseling sessions, co-parent counseling can be a great way to come to a rational agreement. After all, the decisions you make after you divorce will greatly affect your children, so it's important to work problems out in a safe environment as quickly as possible.

A full discussion of these points is available in Mitchell's book Surviving Divorce and Custody Issues, available at Amazon. You can also find more information on Mitchell's website, DadsRights.org.

DadsRights.org

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