Sometimes cheating destroys a marriage for “The Beautiful People” but so far, that doesn’t seem to be the backstory for Sophia Vergara and Joe Manganiello and the press hasn’t reported bad boy or bad girl behaviors. However, almost all incredibly beautiful female movie stars have endured cheating as did Jane Fonda when each of her 3 husbands cheated on her. Jane’s 1st husband the famous French director, Roger Vadim was described in Patricia Bosworth's biography Jane Fonda: The Private Life of a Public Woman as a man who groomed her with admonishments such as "jealousy is bourgeois," and “sexual coercive control including threesomes and group sex.” You can forget Barbie and Barbarella when you look behind the curtain into her challenging experiences. Hedy Lamarr, known as The Most Beautiful Woman in the World during her Hollywood career was a dear friend of one of my closest friends, and Hedy’s 6 marriages and 6 divorces prove the point. Being so beautiful should make it easier to find love, right, and yet…..
When you heard that Sophia Vergara and Joe Manganiello are divorcing you might have thought, “OMG! If Sophia can’t keep her marriage going, what chance do I have?”
Perhaps you believed that if you were beautiful, amazingly sexy, world-famous, and uber-wealthy — one of the "Beautiful People" — you would have and keep a fabulous husband. But you'd be wrong. I've spent decades coaching and mediating agreements for the "Beautiful People" in Hollywood. I also dated some of the most breathtaking men, including movie stars.
Fame, wealth, and beauty don't guarantee anyone happiness.
Celebrity marriages have pitfalls, and the most passionate and glamorous couple has to live day-to-day life together without a great script or a brilliant director calling “Cut!”. The high stakes of Hollywood and the pressure to perform every time they leave home with swarming paparazzi can take a huge toll. Since female movie stars have a much shorter shelf life in almost every case than men, that alters the power dynamic for a star couple over time. The same can be true for marriages of other high-net-worth couples because a trophy wife needs to stay bright and shiny.
For just one example, we can look at Vergara and Manganiello, as told to “People Magazine”:
"A source close to Vergara confirmed this to People, calling their relationship a ‘passionate, all-encompassing romance, which kept the flames hot for quite a while.’ Still, that heat couldn't hide their personality differences. 'They have been growing apart for some time now and tried to resolve things, but they are focused on different areas of their lives,' the Vergara source said. 'They definitely love and respect each other, but once that initial passion dies down and other areas get in the way, then little differences get bigger.'"
‘Sofía is a smart and hardworking girl who thinks of everything that could go wrong before it actually does,’ that source continued. ‘Joe is pretty low key and for years this suited both of them. This has been chipping away for a while.’"
6 lessons we should keep in mind when people who "have it all" break up.
1. Anxiety and its cousin, jealousy are guaranteed fire extinguishers.
In the People article, Vergara is described as a worrier, whereas Manganiello is “an easygoing guy," which is a dynamic that can create huge disconnections in so many marriages and lead to jealousy and anxiety.
Anyone who suffers from moodiness needs to get it under control, especially if it's affecting your partner and your marriage. When I work with clients suffering from anxiety and depression, I teach seven different tools and skills that work to balance emotional states. Many of them find me after their anxiety has sunk their love affair. Luckily, if the motivation to learn is high, I can help many reconcile and rekindle lifelong monogamy and oneness.
2. Hollywood marriages among the world’s most beautiful and sexy have a much higher risk of divorce.
This is because people throw themselves at the stars. We won’t know the absolute truth behind Sophia and Joe’s divorce, maybe ever, but there is a high likelihood their celeb status directly impacted the longevity of their marriage. A study by the Marriage Foundation found that divorce among celebrity marriages is "52%, compared to 31% for the UK population as a whole."
I’ve coached “Hollywood Wives," and celebrities for two decades, dated movie stars, and turned down other high-profile actors, so I have personal experience. My advice is if you love beautiful men as much as I do, consider what happens after you’re a couple because it is not easy; just as sitting on a bucking bronco is not an easy ride.
Since so many Hollywood stars are "Multiple Marry-ers," and since Hollywood is the center of “The Divorce Zone," a great Hollywood marriage rarely brings lifelong happiness.
3. Dating “the professionally beautiful” can be incredibly complicated.
If we try to compete with any form of perfection, we get trapped into comparing ourselves, which is painful. Instead, I appreciated the beauty of the “professionally beautiful” actors and models I dated as works of art, knowing that it didn’t limit or define them. My guess is, once my interest waned, that is how we have remained friends for decades.
Imagine walking down the street with a breathtakingly gorgeous man when every woman stares and yearns for him!
Here are two of my own experiences with drop-dead gorgeous beaus that I think you will enjoy. Consider if these scenarios would freak you out or if you could take them in stride:
My top model boyfriend, John:
John and I were driving to Pennsylvania for a summer vacation with friends. He was putting gas in his black Citroen, and he was wearing a black zip jumpsuit that was a perfect fit and hid nothing. His perfect face and black hair were breathtakingly beautiful. Some friends and I were walking into the store to buy snacks when we heard a crash.
A woman had seen him from the road next to the gas station, had literally become mesmerized, and drove her car into the driver’s side door of his car. She was completely unaware of what she was doing because, as she said, “I have never, ever seen someone so beautiful.” If you go deeper than the surface to appreciate someone’s attributes, you can connect without suffering, but it isn’t easy and may require you to learn to control your mind and stop self-criticism when you look at him and then look at yourself in the mirror. But the amazing thing is that all these beautiful men saw themselves as less than perfect just as you and I do when we are putting on our makeup!
My statue-perfect movie star lover, "David":
When I was 17, I first met an actor who looked just like the statue of David by Michelangelo. Walking around New York with him or having him put me on his handlebars as he rode through Central Park was a lesson in controlling any self-criticism that sought to torture me. I went to see him star in a play and the woman seated next to me was aflutter because she had driven hundreds of miles to see him perform.
I offered to introduce her to him, and she became terrified and refused even though she told me she had seen him in “everything." She had convinced herself that he was on a pedestal, and she was limited to worshiping him from afar. By contrast, I was a close friend for 24 years until I suggested, "Give someone else a chance" and we both laughed.
At the post-theater dinner, the waitress was coming towards our table with a tray full of glasses, plates, and flatware. She took one look at his 6’4” perfection, and there was a loud crash! The waitress dropped the tray and all the glasses and plates fell to the ground and shattered. What was most interesting is that the actor took it in stride, and that’s another thing that separates “them” from “us." For the breathtakingly beautiful, this is a part of life and, even if they hate it, if it stops, they know that their career is in peril.
Please get off the marry-go-round! I wrote “The Marry-Go-Round: How to Save your Money, your Sanity, and your Life and this will show you how to create peaceful loving passionships!
The Marry-Go-Round on Kindle
Instead, when you understand your worldview and his and how they may be similar or different you can avoid a lot of pain and expense. You can enjoy every date without always planning a future and you can get serious when the time and the person deserve it.
Please enjoy the rest of my article at Yourtango.com
https://www.yourtango.com/love/what-regular-people-can-learn-from-celebrity-breakups