ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ: Jon and Kate Gosselin have been slugging it out all over the media while each proclaims that they want to handle this privately and Jon says, as a family. One has to wonder how large this family must be. Who do you know that brings their banking withdrawal slips to a major TV entertainment show? How much of all of this is in preparation for yet other spin-off TV shows? One has to wonder about that, too.

But, first and foremost, what about the kids? Everyone is talking about the kids and their well-being but who keeps stoking the fires and the media appetite for yet more inside information on this scenario? Jon says it's Kate, Kate says it's Jon, but there's a third non-person who is working furiously trying to bring all of this to the eager audience, the media. Everyone, except for Letterman in this instance, is getting their ratings hyped, but the kids are getting what out of this? Okay, possible accounts for future education, but maybe also future therapy?

They're even bringing in former prosecutors on this one. Does Jon need to be prosecuted for something? Bad judgment maybe, but I didn't get any indications of abusiveness or neglect on his part or on Kate's. Everyone is tripping all over themselves to be heard on this one and they all are benefitting, except for the kids for whom they express excessive concern. The mawkishness is palpable.

The Damage Done

Let's look at the downside here for the kids. Considering the fact that they've been under the microscope since before they were toddlers, some of the problems are there even if they aren't showing up yet.

Birth – 3: Children establish routines, rituals, learn to be warm, loving and responsive.

Changes in routine can be problematic and children need to be given and learn that they have choices. They begin to understand themselves and need calm, firm caregivers. They also are developing a sense of basic trust—essential to future emotional growth.

Four years: Active, curious and needing limits for protection.

Five years: A need for more quiet time and a greater need for a sense of being important to the parent and there is growing imagination

Six years: Begins to compare themselves to others and there's a need to look right in situations. Mistakes are especially painful, whether they are real or not.

If you were a toddler through five-year-old in the Gosselin household you would have experienced a sense of routines that are now being disrupted, a possible sense of insecurity because of the hoards of photographers and "fans." What child has a "fan" unless they are a Shirley Temple? How do they fit into school since they're TV stars? Do they have the normal right to make mistakes that other kids do?

How much quiet time do these kids get? How much time to explore and be curious outside their own homes?

Parents who are on edge, no matter how much they want to conceal it from the kids, still give off an aura that kids sense. There are forced smiles, looks of concern and then, in this case, the entire loss of part of their "family"—the TV crew who has become so much a part of their daily routine.

It's a little late to abruptly change course now, even though that may be in the best interests of the children. Earning your living this way may have seemed like a great, unexpected choice for the husband and wife, but you can't cold turkey your kids now. It's something people might call cruel.

http://www.drfarrell.net

REFS:

American Academy of Pediatrics: http://www.aap.org/healthtopics/stages.cfm

Brenner Children's Hospital: http://www.brennerchildrens.org/Parents/Behavior/

CA Dept. of Education: http://www.education.ca.gov/sp/cd/re/caqdevelopment.asp