Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The sky must be falling because the young woman, I use the term loosely,
who bragged that she never read a book, has now written a book.
I guess knowing good prose is no longer obligatory to good writing.
Oh, wait a minute; no one said her book was well written.
Jersey Shore's Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi has published her first book.
She went on Letterman to announce her Top Ten reasons to buy her book.
Here are my Top Ten reasons to NOT BUY Snooki's Book:
1. Don't encourage her.
She has found a niche, a following, and a fortune. Enough is enough.
2. She does not need more money to tan
Snooki is already permanently toasted so don't encourage the habit with more money in her pocket to spend on tanning.
3. She does not need more money for make up
She could walk down Park Avenue with no make up and no one would recognize her. She has enough make up for life.
4. If she had more money she would not buy clothes that covered her
Her clothes can't get any shorter or any more revealing and not be X. It wouldn't change if she had the money to buy clothes that actually covered her.
5. The world will be a better place
Her number one reason to buy the book was that it was the finest work of literature by an author named Snooki. Let's hope it is the last piece of bathroom reading by an author named Snooki.
6. Ding Ding – Her fifteen minutes of fame are up
If it is true that everyone gets 15, her 15 are up.
7. You would be adding to the delinquency of a . . . delinquent.
When the video rolled on You Tube of her punching a woman, her appearance fee went from $2,000 to $10,000. Let her work off her community service before she does the book circuit.
8. Jersey needs to stay in Jersey
The Jersey shore is a great place. But "crack" and "bacne" can stay in Jersey, really.
9. Contrary to her enlightened thinking, the economy will not be fixed.
Donate the book price to a charity or the IRS. It would be better spent.
10. You would be contributing to the development of a FameWhore
This one is self-explanatory.