It can be easy during the holidays for singles to feel lost. During the months between Halloween and the New Year, the air is charged with meaning and buzzing with activity. Costumes, potlucks, holiday parties, decorations, social events, shopping, cooking, gift-giving, family gatherings, end-of-year work tasks… the list of things to do, to attend, and the responsibilities that go with them seems never to end. And when you’re single for the holidays, sometimes that burden can feel twice as heavy. 

So it’s no wonder that many of my single clients are apprehensive about the holidays. 

Going solo to a party or a family event and watching happy couples and families can feel like a gut-punch when they have what you’ve wanted for so long. It can be hard to know where to fit in among everyone, especially when you know at some point the spotlight will fall on you and your singleness. 

First, there’s the pesky questions: “why are you still single?”, “When are you going to settle down?”- as if you weren’t already wondering the same thing!

Then there’s the advice from people that haven’t even been in the dating world for years: “If you want to find someone you need to…”, “You’d be so much more attractive if you’d only…”, “Have you tried…”.  

A recent comment I heard from a single client is that they don’t want to be a third wheel to their married friends during the holidays. 

So many singles opt to avoid events or family activities, so they can try to get away from all the reminders of their loneliness. Unfortunately, this only further reinforces their hurt, and many singles find themselves struggling with depression and anxiety during the holiday season. 

Yet with a little planning and some mental reframing, there are ways to take back the joy of the season when you are single for the holidays. 

1. Turn obstacles into opportunities. 

You know people are going to ask where your “date” is or why you’re still single. So plan ahead and decide to enlist the help of the connectors in your life to find Mr./Mrs. Right. 

“I’m so glad you asked. I’m still looking, so if you know someone who is…, or enjoys…, let me know.  What’s important to me is that they be… because I really value…”

A quick, simple, well-planned pitch like this turns your trusted friends and family members into your recruiters. They now know in detail what you value and the kind of person you are looking for, so when they meet someone like this, they can introduce you to someone they know who is single and searching as well! 

2. Take the reins.

Initiate time with your single friends and plan fun activities to fill the space that seems to be overrun by couples. Host a holiday party, a movie night, or a game night. Go to a play, a concert, or a local event. Get out of your rut and travel to see someone you’ve been missing and enjoy a new scene. 

Whatever you do, the key here is for you to choose it. Instead of being dragged to events where you inevitably feel more single and lonely, create activities and celebrations that give you joy and meaning. 

3. Attend singles events

Many singles don’t realize that the holidays are great opportunities to look for love! You know how you feel about the holidays, and other singles are feeling the same. So go to that Thanksgiving speed dating night, or the singles holiday party at your local church. Check out Meetup and see what other singles in your area are doing. 

4. Surround yourself with warmth

Stay away from negative, judgmental people and instead choose to invest in people who love and encourage you. Don’t allow hurtful, mean, and miserable people to get you down.  Be careful who you spend time with and make sure they’re uplifting and positive. 

This might mean saying no to the annual Christmas Eve family dinner if you know that mean Aunt Jane is going to be there. Instead, plan ahead and spend time with those friends and family you do enjoy before or after the big event. The people who love and support you will understand and want to protect you from joy-stealing scrooges. 

5. Volunteer to help others who are less fortunate. 

Instead of dwelling on what you are lacking, get out there and focus on the needs of others. There are so many charities and outreach programs this time of year that are looking for help. 

Maybe it’s a toy drive or a feeding program. Perhaps it’s fundraising events for the local schools or homeless shelters. Regardless of the program, helping to provide for others not only feels good, but it also puts your own situation into perspective. You may find yourself counting blessings you didn’t even realize you had.

Bonus: You’ll meet new people, maybe even single people, whose interests and values are similar to yours. In time, you may find yourself being introduced to that someone special!

If you’re single for the holidays, you get to choose whether to fill the season with dread or with joy. 

Don’t let the busyness of the holidays define your singleness or cause you to spiral. By being intentional and making small, decisive actions, you can fill the end of the year with purpose, meaning, and maybe even new friends.

Now is not the time to give up on love. No, now is the perfect time to begin planning your pursuit of it. 

But if you’re still not sure how to go about it all, reach out and let’s talk. There is plenty of time to get your dating plan figured out before the end of the year. As a matter of fact, this is the best time to get ready, because January 1st is the busiest online dating day of the year! 

Go to https://motivatedtomarry.com/connect-with-coach-amy/ and book your complimentary Meet Your Mate Strategy session today to learn more about how my proven dating process has helped hundreds of seriously searching singles find true love. This program can be a game-changer for you!