Parenting toddlers can sometimes be frustrating to the point of wanting to pull your hair out. This is because adults seem to believe that a toddler can think like an adult...they can't.

Although toddlers do not have the ability to think abstractly, yet, they do have the ability to understand simple directions, conversations and rewards. What this means is when there is something that is important for you, there must be something equally or more important for your toddler or young child.

When we are parenting toddlers, we must begin to understand that they have needs and desires just like you do. At my stepchildren's Christmas Concert last night, there was a woman with a two to three year old child and that child was driving her crazy! He was running around and climbing on the platforms where the children in the concert were performing; he was a real nightmare.

Mom was giving the child her cell phone and pretending to play with him, though you could see that she just wanted to take him out of there. It is a major parenting mistake to give your toddler a cell phone, iPad or other distraction when they are acting out of order. This just teaches the child to act out of sorts whenever they choose to play with your phone!

Mom could have avoided the nightmare by using a simple but effective positive parenting strategy called pre-framing. Pre-framing is a simple two to five minute conversation with your toddler to explain to them what is important to you, and for you to find out what would be important for your toddler.

Here are simple steps to take during this conversation with your toddler or young child.

1. "Little Timmy, Mommy needs to go to the grocery store. It is a fast trip just to pick up a couple things so we can have supper tonight. After you are cooperative, quiet and still in your seat while Mommy does the grocery shopping, when we are all done, you may have your reward of either a cookie, going to the park or watching your favorite movie when we get home. Which of those things would be important for you?"

2. "I want a cookie!"

3. "Perfect, once you show me cooperation, quiet and stillness, you may have your cookie! Do you get your cookie before or after we are done shopping?" "After." "Perfect! Look how smart you are, little Timmy. When we get to the car, after we are done shopping, you will get your cookie."

4. All you have to do from here is praise, praise and praise some more. "Look at you, little Timmy, you are showing me your inside quiet voice, your cookie is sure going to be a treat. Great job!"

5. It is also a great "plus one" to include little Timmy in your outing by asking him things like "Do you like green apples or red apples?"

It is important to note how the questions have been formed in the above conversation. Because your toddler does not have the ability to think abstractly, they would not understand the question "When do you get your cookie, little Timmy?" but they do understand "Will you get your cookie before or after Mommy is done shopping?" Use this simple but effective positive parenting strategy and you will see positive, shining results of cooperation, quiet and calm behavior from any toddler!