Today is the Ides of August, not as popular as the Ides of March but ides none the less. I spent most of this week in Washington, D.C., currently our nation's capital. Since Congress is on vacation, there weren't any politicians walking around but there sure were a lot of tourists, none of which spoke English.

    The president wasn't in town either. He's on Martha's Vineyard wondering if impeachment proceedings are going to be brought against him. He says that such action would be very unfair because he doesn't even have an intern.

    All of the silliness in the world is not located in D.C., a lot of it but not all. Here's what happened in the rest of the world.

A HAIR-BRAINED IDEA     

    Ray Wolfe is an inmate at the Summit County Jail in Breckenridge, Colorado and he complained to authorities this week that there was a hair in his beef stroganoff. This prompts my first question. Inmates get beef stroganoff? What's their choice of wine with that?

    The authorities think that Wolfe put his own hair in the meal and he now faces an additional 24 years for 3 additional felonies. So let this be a warning to you young inmates out there. If there's a hair in your beef stroganoff, goodness knows what's in the soup.

TECHNOLOGY TO THE RESCUE

    This week's goofiest story comes to us from, surprise surprise, Florida. Pedro Bravo is a 20-year-old man who allegedly strangled his friend in 2012 and his trial is going on this week. When Pedro killed his friend, he didn't know what to do with the body, so he asked the only person he could trust for help. He spoke with Siri.

    Siri, as you know is the female voice on the iPhone that helps you find the answers to your questions. So, Pedro said to her, "I need to hide my roommate." Siri responded, "What kind of place are you looking for?" Then she rattled off the suggestions of, "metal foundries, dumps, swamps, and reservoirs." 

    Pedro didn't listen to her and buried his friend in the woods. The body was found using the location data stored in Pedro's phone and now he is on trial. Siri has been called as a witness by the prosecution.

DUMBASS OF THE WEEK

    Jamie Brown is a burglar from Leeds, Yorkshire, England, broke into a furniture store and stole a $340 fish tank. When police swarmed the area, Jamie grabbed his tank, ran into the woods, and dove into a bush. While he was hiding, he felt the need to relieve himself and wound up peeing on a wasp nest. 

    The wasps were obviously pissed and stung Jamie everywhere you could imagine. The police found him crying and limping down the road. They arrested him and took him to Leeds General Infirmary hospital.

    Jamie is now spending 24 weeks in jail, waiting for the swelling to go down, , congratulations Jamie Brown, you are the Dumbass Of The Week.