Medical aid in dying is misunderstood. This TEDxABQ talk presented by Gail Rubin, the Doyenne of Death®, on September 27, 2025, helps dispel myths and misconceptions. Here is the video of the talk, and the written version below.

Medical Aid in Dying

If you’re younger than 70, you’ve probably said, “IF I die.” News Flash: The mortality rate is holding steady at 100%. It’s not IF but WHEN. And aren’t you curious about death, the one universal experience waiting for all of us?

I think a good death is a pain-free transition like going to sleep. My dad used to quote to me the last line of the poem Thanatopsis: “Approach thy grave like one who wraps the drapery of his couch about him and lies down to pleasant dreams.”

In New Mexico, some of us can get a good death, determining WHEN and HOW, with Medical Aid in Dying. Some call this assisted suicide, others, death with dignity. It’s currently legal here in New Mexico, 11 other states and the District of Columbia. New Mexico’s legislation, which became law in June 2021, has served as a model for other states since then.

As a pioneering death educator – that’s DEATH, not DEAF – and as a daughter, I’ve had two very different experiences with Medical Aid in Dying. Over 24 months, I had seven deaths in my family… eight… if you count… my cat.

Ilsa the cat

Curiosity did not kill this cat. Nine-year-old Ilsa developed Feline Infectious Peritonitis, a fatal disease. The vet gently ended her suffering with injected medications. We offer a good death to our pets, why not our people?

To qualify for Medical Aid in Dying, or MAID for short, here in New Mexico, you must be:

• 18 years of age or older.
• Mentally able to understand and request this choice.
• Physically able to ingest the medication yourself.
• Present in the state of New Mexico… but you don’t have to prove residency.
• And have a terminal condition with a six-month prognosis… which often means hospice is involved.

Life itself is a sexually transmitted, terminal condition… We just don’t know our expiration date, and that terrifies us. It also feels weird to know the exact date someone’s going to die.

For many, hospice is a good choice for a good death. My husband, my father and my mother all died as peacefully and painlessly as possible on in-patient hospice care.

Al and Myra

Then my elderly in-laws Myra and Al wanted Medical Aid in Dying. They went on home hospice, hoping to die together. It was Al’s idea. He was Myra’s second husband, a “large and in charge” kind of guy. However, while tiny, frail Myra qualified, Al was deemed too healthy. “Well! Since we can’t go together, we’re not going to do it.” He revoked hospice, and guess what?

Six months later, Al was actively dying and not mentally present to request MAID or sign the paperwork. I got them back on home hospice and moved in to care for them in their last days. Al experienced hours of terminal agitation, thrashing around on his king size bed. He finally expired at 3:00 a.m.

Six days later, Myra passed peacefully in the afternoon using Medical Aid in Dying. We had a small gathering in the living room, with candles and roses, readings and singing. The hospice nurse mixed the medications in the kitchen.

Five powerful drugs relax the patient into unconsciousness, easing pain, slowing the breathing and stopping the heart. It’s a powder mixed with apple juice to make a two-to-four-ounce solution, often drunk through a straw. It tastes like horseradish, so patients are given sorbet to cool the burning sensation.

Myra had a strong reaction to the bitter taste. With more sorbet, she drank it all. Within three minutes, she was asleep on her lounge chair. Within the hour, after a few deep breaths, she gently died.

Yet even when someone qualifies for Medical Aid in Dying, the window of opportunity to use it can close very fast. This happened to my friend Michael in California.

Gail Rubin and her friend Michael

Over four years, Michael fought glioblastoma, an aggressive form of brain cancer. Most people with this disease die within 12 to 18 months. With his growing confusion, headaches and hospitalizations, he asked me to come to LA to help him access Medical Aid in Dying.

Michael was discharged home to his apartment on hospice. The hospice doctor agreed with Michael’s wish for MAID. A second doctor interviewed Michael and approved the prescription. Timing was carefully planned so he could receive a military promotion on Friday.

But early Thursday morning, Michael had an anxiety attack, a mental meltdown that put him in the hospital for a day. He had a second meltdown Friday, during the promotion at his apartment.

His comrades took him out for a short walk beforehand. He gestured toward me on the second-floor walkway. An officer came up the stairs. “Listen, can we pump the brakes on this? He says you’re here to kill him.” “No, the medical aid in dying choice is totally up to Michael.”

The last time our eyes met, Michael glared at me. Brain cancer destroyed his ability to think rationally. He was two days from getting the peaceful death he said he wanted. He spent 45 more days hospitalized, pleading to go home. He eventually stopped eating and drinking, a perfectly natural way to die, perfectly legal for everyone, everywhere. His memorial service is being held this very day.

Medical Aid in Dying is a choice the patient makes and an action THEY take. It’s not something someone does TO you. Some people get the medication and don’t use it. It gives them a sense of control and choice.

You’d give a good death to your pet. People also deserve a good death.

Be curious. Be brave. Approach thy grave like one who wraps the drapery of his couch about him and lies down to pleasant dreams.

Gail Rubin is a pioneering death educator.Known as the Doyenne of Death®, she is a Certified Thanatologist and award-winning educator who uses humor and pop culture to get people talking about end-of-life issues. A pioneer in death literacy and Medical Aid in Dying conversations, she’s dedicated to helping others approach the inevitable not with fear—but with informed curiosity and compassion.

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