There is always more to learn on the path ofspirituality and personal growth. I will never graduate as the levels ofvibration and frequencies of awareness continue upward. I needed to obtain adivorce to be safe. Nevertheless, I realized I needed to acknowledge my part; Iwanted to move into a better place beyond the past harms. For that reason, Idiscovered that forgiveness and making amends frees me to do this. This allowsme to move into a higher perception.

 This was not easy for me at first; I have toforgive all those harms from the past. Realizing, inner peace is only complete byforgiveness for others and myself brought a new understanding. My ego wanted toprove I had the right to be distressed. It told me that my husband could not beforgiven when I was harmed by his actions and abuse. Conversely, I read that it is a spiritual axiom that every time weare disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.

 This means I have to look at myself and gethonest about my motivations and actions. It is necessary to look at my side ofthe street in all my dealings. I have to see where my own behavior has affectedsomeone else. The picture is not pretty when I get honest. I even won aninternational writing contest with my article, "All Time Victim". Itis available on my web site or on Amazon.  Recognizing that I was in survival and self-seekingas a victim was an abrupt awakening. It was not easy to accept. Yes, I was theinjured party but I played the part very well.

  I usedpeople for my security, protection, to love me, and take care of me. It becametime to grow up. I was dishonest with myself, thinking other people were thereto make me okay, provide my needs, and love me. I was so afraid in my woundedplace that all I could see was poor me,poor me. I recognized that I was keeping myself that victim by not actingin my own best interest.

 Becoming assertive instead of passive was thekey to changing my thinking from being the prey. It was a huge step out of my beingthe injured party. Taking the steps to become courageous to speak up for myneeds had never been in the cards for me. When I was a child, I was to be seenand not heard. In fact, my stepfather told me, “We do not want to hear what youhave to say.”

 My journey sorting out the truth from thefalse is continuing. This is a long process with lots of challenges and lessonsin its path to not mentally and emotionally continue recreating my learned mindsetand reactions from childhood. In my book, "Paradigm Busters", atAmazon, I explain all the steps to release the past for a new life. The work isworth the effort. As I was in the early stages of this change, I found grace inmy meditation while camping at a national park. It felt good. I wanted more ofthat.

 I was living in a fantasy that everyone andeverything should go my way. I learned to forgive myself as I did survive theabuse, trauma, and difficulties. Now it is time to move into maturity. I vowednever to volunteer to be a victim again. Neale Donald Walsch said, "Move forward withno second-guessing, no guilt trips, no hesitation. Your purpose is to recreateyourself anew in each moment." I needed to give up the past by releasingit for the good feelings.

 Realizing that I was being influenced from mypast harms that continued in the old ways of reacting, was a challenge. The choiceto live in current situations and not run from them was a huge step intogrowing up. The help I needed was to turn to the Father of Light in all things.

It would take courage to respond to daily lifeexperiences with new and healthy tools. One way to help me was by saying,"God I need more faith for this one, here we go again". Then I foundan affirmation that I daily declare to help. It is "God there is nothingthat you and I together, cannot do, today." Asking for help made a lot ofdifference. It brought the audacity I lacked. Nowadays, I move forward in life,learning to do the next right thing in front of me. It keeps my focus on the"Now" which is reality. Doing the right thing is never wrong.

 Recognizing that living in the moment is agift and that is why it is called The Present brought a new vision for movingforward in my life out of being a victim from my past. This clears the slate tobe autonomous. “The New Me” is one of my earlypoems in my first book, "Roses Have Thorns".

               Vision—A “New” Me

 Total acceptance of myself means theopportunity

for reality. Unconditional love grants

my own gentleness, caring. Courtesy lifts

my dignity, sees value. Tolerance

understands favorably my mistakes,

errors. Self-esteem believes in confidence,

guides my life. Sharing my experiences,feelings

creates life’s happiness. Many interests

bring a fulfilling life, helping others

through their strife. Spirituality generates

peace of mind, worth, knows

the purpose for my birth.

 My books are beingdistributed internationally to prisons and used as a booked study in SanQuentin. I was just included in the current, prodigious book, "Who's Whoin America. Thisconcept is explained further in her books, You Tubes, readings, and counseling.Marilyn Redmond is an ordained minister for spiritual counseling, readings,regression, IBRT, and healing, ABH. In addition, she is a teacher, speaker, andmedium offering information from the other side for illness, relationships, andissues in your life. Marilyn can help you find health, happiness, andprosperity.

 Checkout her website, https://www.angelicasgifts.com /

 Books:at https://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC

Barnesand Nobel https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Marilyn+Redmond?_requestid=16065424 176 videos on You Tube at  https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372

Blog at http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./