There is always more to learn on the path of spirituality and personal growth. I will never graduate as the levels of vibration and frequencies of awareness continue upward. I needed to obtain a divorce to be safe. Nevertheless, I realized I needed to acknowledge my part; I wanted to move into a better place beyond the past harms. For that reason, I discovered that forgiveness and making amends frees me to do this. This allows me to move into a higher perception.

This was not easy for me at first; I have to forgive all those harms from the past. Realizing, inner peace is only complete by forgiveness for others and myself brought a new understanding. My ego wanted to prove I had the right to be distressed. It told me that my husband could not be forgiven when I was harmed by his actions and abuse. Conversely, I read that it is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.

This means I have to look at myself and get honest about my motivations and actions. It is necessary to look at my side of the street in all my dealings. I have to see where my own behavior has affected someone else. The picture is not pretty when I get honest. I even won an international writing contest with my article, "All Time Victim". It is available on my web site or on Amazon.  Recognizing that I was in survival and self-seeking as a victim was an abrupt awakening. It was not easy to accept. Yes, I was the injured party but I played the part very well. 

I used people for my security, protection, to love me, and take care of me. It became time to grow up. I was dishonest with myself, thinking other people were there to make me okay, provide my needs, and love me. I was so afraid in my wounded place that all I could see was poor me, poor me. I recognized that I was keeping myself that victim by not acting in my own best interest.

Becoming assertive instead of passive was the key to changing my thinking from being the prey. It was a huge step out of my being the injured party. Taking the steps to become courageous to speak up for my needs had never been in the cards for me. When I was a child, I was to be seen and not heard. In fact, my stepfather told me, "We do not want to hear what you have to say."

My journey sorting out the truth from the false is continuing. This is a long process with lots of challenges and lessons in its path to not mentally and emotionally continue recreating my learned mindset and reactions from childhood. In my book, "Paradigm Busters", at Amazon, I explain all the steps to release the past for a new life. The work is worth the effort. As I was in the early stages of this change, I found grace in my meditation while camping at a national park. It felt good. I wanted more of that.

I was living in a fantasy that everyone and everything should go my way. I learned to forgive myself as I did survive the abuse, trauma, and difficulties. Now it is time to move into maturity. I vowed never to volunteer to be a victim again. Neale Donald Walsch said, "Move forward with no second-guessing, no guilt trips, no hesitation. Your purpose is to recreate yourself anew in each moment." I needed to give up the past by releasing it for the good feelings.

Realizing that I was being influenced from my past harms that continued in the old ways of reacting, was a challenge. The choice to live in current situations and not run from them was a huge step into growing up. The help I needed was to turn to the Father of Light in all things.

It would take courage to respond to daily life experiences with new and healthy tools. One way to help me was by saying, "God I need more faith for this one, here we go again". Then I found an affirmation that I daily declare to help. It is "God there is nothing that you and I together, cannot do, today." Asking for help made a lot of difference. It brought the audacity I lacked. Nowadays, I move forward in life, learning to do the next right thing in front of me. It keeps my focus on the "Now" which is reality. Doing the right thing is never wrong.

Recognizing that living in the moment is a gift and that is why it is called The Present brought a new vision for moving forward in my life out of being a victim from my past. This clears the slate to be autonomous. "The New Me" is one of my early poems in my first book, "Roses Have Thorns".

                                        Vision—A "New" Me

Total acceptance of myself means the opportunity

for reality. Unconditional love grants

my own gentleness, caring. Courtesy lifts

my dignity, sees value. Tolerance

understands favorably my mistakes,

errors. Self-esteem believes in confidence,

guides my life. Sharing my experiences, feelings

creates life's happiness. Many interests

bring a fulfilling life, helping others

through their strife. Spirituality generates

peace of mind, worth, knows

the purpose for my birth.

My books are being distributed internationally to prisons and used as a booked study in San Quentin. I was just included in the current, prodigious book, "Who's Who in America. This concept is explained further in her books, You Tubes, readings, and counseling. Marilyn Redmond is an ordained minister for spiritual counseling, readings, regression, IBRT, and healing, ABH. In addition, she is a teacher, speaker, and medium offering information from the other side for illness, relationships, and issues in your life. Marilyn can help you find health, happiness, and prosperity.

Check out her website, https://www.angelicasgifts.com /

 Books: at https://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC

Barnes and Nobel https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Marilyn+Redmond?_requestid=16065424 176 videos on You Tube at https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372

Blog at http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./