Friday, June 13, 2014
Yikes! Today is Friday the 13th, the legendary day of bad luck. This, above all other days, is not the time to walk under a black cat or break a mirror with your ladder. Take it easy today and don't take any risks, unless you work for the government, then it's just business as usual.
The biggest sporting event in the known world has started this week in Brazil and Brazil is as prepared for it as Sochi was for the Winter Olympics. Because of ongoing construction, traffic tie-ups have become monumental. They had a traffic jam that backed up 214 miles. I didn't even know that Brazil had 214 miles of paved roads.
The game every one wants to see is known throughout the world as football except in the US where we already have a sport named football. We call it soccer and for some reason it is very popular around the world. It even has it's own hooligans.
So I suppose I should break down and watch a few games this weekend. It will give me a good excuse to pull out my vuvusala.
If that's not enough to occupy your weekend, remember that Sunday is Father's Day so give him what every dad wants, an hour alone in the bathroom, or just send him this week's Friday Funnies.
FOOD FIGHT, FLORIDA STYLE
In Bradenton, Florida, Lorenzo Ramirez got into an argument with his girl friend and it soon got ugly and turned into a food fight. Lorenzo grabbed a bottle of maple syrup and his girlfriend grabbed the ketchup and they threw it at each other until they were covered with condiments. Police were called and Lorenzo was arrested for starting the fight. I have a few questions.
How does one throw maple syrup and ketchup? Did they have squeeze bottles or were they just throwing handfuls at each other? Will the couple be ordered to get rid of their condiments? How long did it take the police to stop laughing when they arrived on the scene? And, of course, why does this stuff always happen in Florida? Enquiring minds want to know.
THIS CAR'S NOT A LEMON, IT'S A TOMATO
H.J. Heinz Co., the makers of Heinz Ketchup is teaming up with Ford Motors to find a new use for tomatoes. Heinz claims that tomato parts like skins, stems, and seeds can be repurposed and made into car parts. My question is, if Ford starts making tomato cars, what are they going to call them? I have a few suggestions. The Ford Salsa, a hot convertible; Ford 57, a saucy little number; and limited edition Mustang Marinara, with seats made of basil.
BACKWARDS TO THE FUTURE
Mani Manithan is a man from India who is on a mission to achieve world peace. This is a very admirable mission but I question his method.
For the last 25 years, Mini has been walking backwards to achieve world peace. Needless to say, he hasn't had much of an impact in the Middle East but at least he's trying. One of his first acts after beginning his backwards trek was to walk 300 miles backwards and naked and if that doesn't bring about peace, what will?
I wish Mani a tol fo kcul in his backwards adventures.
As The Professional Summarizer I add a new dimension to your next meeting or convention. I attend all of the events, listen to all of the speakers, and pay attention to every detail. Then I report back to the audience or what they should have learned in the form of a comedy monologue. What I did with this week's news I do for your meeting.