These days it is not unusual for people to talk about the ego—a term somewhat related to narcissism. When a person seems too self-centered he/she may be cited as having too big an ego. The fact of the matter is that ego has two important jobs: it is the internal organizer of our personality and helps us survive through its ability to think, evaluate, and prioritize. Furthermore the ego has as much growing up to do as our physical selves and research indicates this involves traversing ten stages. (Loevinger, J. & Wessler, R., 1970.)

Unfortunately research shows that 80 percent of people dwell in stages 5 through 7, with stage 6 being pivotal as a person begins to sense a vague sense of increasing self-awareness on both thinking and feelings levels. At this point a person often wonders if there is more to life than money, fame, and “good times.” Fortunate are those who through reflection, psychotherapy, or other means begin to feel and express thoughts and emotions previously unknown. Included in these new behaviors and attitudes are:

• A growing awareness of life

• Recognition of multiple possibilities and situations

• Believing that exceptions to rules are possible

• Seeking alternatives to difficult situations

• Awareness that one is not living up to social standards or ideals

• Increasing acceptance of individual differences

In reading the above, perhaps you can appreciate the dividing line between persons who are stuck in the lower stages and those who aspire to move upward to the Universal/Integrated tenth stage, where an individual:

• Understands the importance of being in a state of awareness as often as possible

• Participates in non-evaluative, integrative witnessing of experience and the meaning of existence

• Is at peace with inner conflicts

• Experiences a deepening sense of connectedness

• Lives in a constant state of flux of experiences and changing states of consciousness

• Is aware of the illusion of a permanent individual self

• Relies on intellect and intuition when appropriate to do so

• Experiences the bridging of psychology and spirituality

• Is at one with self and others as ongoing participants in creation

• Appreciates peak and transcendent experiences being increasingly in the foreground

Learning about each stage—especially the middle and upper stages can be of great help, not only in identifying one’s present stage but also in catalyzing movement to higher stages. The award-winning book Grow Up Your Ego: Ten Scientifically Validated Stages to Emotional and Spiritual Maturity is the perfect book to help do so! Comments about your own experiences regarding ego growth—and how and why it has or has not occurred—are most welcome!