Raised in a dysfunctional family of alcoholism, abuse, and mental illness I found I inherited their genetic and behavioral predisposition, including a liver that did not digest alcohol or mind and mood altering medications like a normal person. With a new understanding of why my life seemed like a nightmare brought the realization that I had a death wish; each drink or prescription pill was another nail in my coffin. Surprisingly, I knew at a deep level, I wanted to live. 

 suffered and endured my adversity of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual maltreatment until I could leave for college. I met my husband at my first college dance. We married and raised a family. When my husband tried to kill me the last time, I had called out to my God, ""Please help me, I really do not want to die." Within days, I ended up in treatment hearing information about the disease of alcoholism. Through recovery, I found my husband and I had the same history of an abusive background, mental illness, and alcoholism. In treatment, I found my answers. I needed to persist into a sane and healthy life style. Religion never told me several important facts for my life. Replacing religion for a spiritual path saved my life.  Finding love in my heart was my Creator always there for me mended my abandonment issues.

I never had any understanding about why my life was the way it was, but I was committed to get well. I needed a trusted person to share my fears, resentments, and difficulties. In stopping the old cycle, I chose to live and not carry on in my old ways that perpetuated alcoholism, mental illness, domestic violence, PTSD, and more. I wanted to release my side of the street. Now, I could send love and pray for him, which stopped the conflict. The details chapter by chapter of how to do this are in my book, "Paradigm Busters" at Amazon.                                                         

Later, I attended a weekend workshop for answers to help me find new answers about my predicament. I heard the facilitators read the information and I heard it from their understanding instead of my reading it through my fearful ego/brain. Others at the seminar decided to offer classes to share this solution with others. I taught his information for 27 years.

Discovering that my fears attract to me the very dread I held, was huge to me. The answer was to replace each fear into faith. I cannot have fear and faith at the same time. In helping others resolve their resentments, I found that anger/resentments are from the past because life or people did not go my way. The answer was to release the past, as it is history. Living in the "Now" releases my anger. Now, I could extend love to others instead of my past insanity.  Learning what goes around comes around has brought a new perception of life. It is all good. "Perfect love casts out fear."

I found life is an adventure to move forward and out of past harms of abuse or future worries, trauma, and neediness. Love never fails. I finally had a design for living. I have a life today beyond my imagination feeling good. Becoming a whole person in joy, gratitude and the presence of love brings heaven to earth.

Check out my website, https://www.angelicasgifts.com /

Books: at https://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC

Barnes and Nobel https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Marilyn+Redmond?_requestid=16065424 176 videos on You Tube at https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372

Blog at http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./