Self-esteem and self-confidence aren’t synonyms. Though a connection exists between them, they’re different. Esteem has to do with how we see ourselves in terms of worth and self-love. Confidence is how we feel about our ability to perform. Someone can have great confidence in their abilities and yet think very little of themselves, while someone else may have a healthy view of themselves and not feel confident about accomplishing a particular task successfully. Both are critical components of our general well-being. Here are five keys to increasing self-esteem and self-confidence.

Realize your worth.

It’s not dependent on what you can achieve or accomplish. You have worth and value simply because you are a unique human being, one of a kind! No one has the exact same personality traits, physical characteristics, and abilities that you have. When you understand that you have value
regardless of ability, you are then free to try new things and develop the skills and talents that are important to you.

Know who you are.

You are not your parents, caregivers, teachers, or best friend. Of course, those closest to us influenced us the most as kids, but
each person has free will—the opportunity to make of themselves what and who they want to be. We’re not doomed or destined to walk the same path of someone who’s gone before us. Learn to appreciate the good things from your upbringing, and discard the unhealthy or destructive ones. You can choose the habits, traditions, and qualities that you want to carry into your own life.

Some people tie social status, economic level, or educational achievement to their self-esteem, yet our finances, education, and social standing don’t define us or make us important.  The more you are able to comprehend that truth, the more you will be at peace with yourself and those around you.

See yourself as a human-being, not as a human-doing.

This tip will increase our self-esteem, which leads to greater self-confidence. We can separate what we do from who we are. For example, a first-year piano student is less likely to take things personally if they miss a note during a performance than a seasoned musician whose identity is wrapped up in being a concert pianist. “A self-confident person is ready to rise to new challenges, seize opportunities, deal with difficult situations, and take responsibility if and when things go awry.”

The self-confident person realizes that “stuff happens” from time to time. While we may be disappointed or even upset about it, we don’t think less of ourselves if we stand in our confidence. Instead, we learn from our experiences and press forward.

Take care of yourself.

We hear a lot about the importance of self-care, and for good reason. When we take care of our bodes through good eating habits, exercise, and
personal appearance and hygiene, it really does wonders for the way we feel about ourselves and can give us a measure of confidence.
Picture going to an important job interview. Notice the difference in how you might feel if you were to go in jeans and a tank-top versus going in slacks and a dress shirt or blouse. We cannot build our esteem on appearance, but that does not negate the importance of taking care of our bodies and the way we present ourselves to the world.

Think of how much better you performed in that meeting when you got enough sleep and a nutritious breakfast. Now remember how well you did when you had been up all night, or had a hangover, or got a cold because you worked all hours. (That last one is my challenge!)

Be patient with yourself and others.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are not characteristics that one either has or does not have. Both develop over time and experience. Sadly, we’re not all from nurturing backgrounds. Yet even with this disadvantage we can overcome! Humans are resilient, and we have the ability to break free of negative thought patterns and emotional trauma. We just need to be aware of how much strength lies within us.

Emotional healing and growth does not happen overnight. Sometimes we can do it on our own. Other times we need help. Learning to develop positive ways of thinking and replacing self-doubt with self-confidence is an act of courage. And often we must act the part before we become the part.

“I don’t possess a lot of self-confidence. I’m an actor so I simply act confident every time I hit the stage,” Arsenio Hall once quipped.

Ever heard of “muscle memory”? Our muscles can reproduce a particular movement without conscious thought because of frequent repetition. Likewise, we can develop a type of “esteem memory.” Affirming our worth and appreciating our strengths can become second nature to us. So stop being so hard on yourself, and be happy. Self-criticism contradicts both esteem and confidence, and can lead to feelings of lack. Nurturing self-esteem and self-confidence leads to greater happiness in our lives.

Kathryn Ramsperger helps authors and other creative people get over anxiety, dissolve blocks, increase their self-confidence, build on success, and love themselves and their work. Get in touch for a brief discovery session here.