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Kicking the Kids to the Curb: Jon & Kate
Englewood Cliffs, NJ
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Dr. Patricia A. Farrell
ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ: The deed seems to have been done, whatever it was, and the dashing duo and their eight kids are headed to a not-so-happy year of painful adjustment. Yes, Jon and Kate are divorcing and in the wake of their success as a reality show bobbles the futures of eight innocent kids.
Kids of the age of 6 have a hard time trying to figure out the world themselves and why things happen. When you have six of them, imagine the demands on any parent, much less divorcing parents, to try to accommodate each of those individual needs. At that age, children believe that divorce, while not totally understandable, may be because "I did something wrong" and that's why daddy is leaving. He doesn't love me, he doesn't like me, I did something to make this happen. It's guilt that has to be understood, soothed and handled in a gentle manner. And it's not always going to be pretty. These kids are going to act out as any hurt children do when they are afraid and their word is crumbling.
Jon, who at 32 admits he has a life ahead of him, has gotten himself ready for his new period of singleness and now sports diamond earrings, hair plugs and, supposedly, is looking for a New York City apartment. Memo to Jon: when your new girl friends find out that you are "that" Jon and you have eight kids under the age of 10, what do you suppose that is going to do to your new relationships? Get ready for the fact that you may be seen as a man who "abandoned" his very large brood of kids for the big city lights. But, then, you have those 40 segments that you and Kate committed to, so is America about to see the single side of Jon? Will Kate and the kids get to sit around the TV watching as you go on dates, vacations, try to juggle seeing the kids and the girls? And what about Kate? Will she find a shoulder to rest her weary head on with eight kids running around the house?
Then, I suppose, there's the matter of money and property. Both of you probably didn't have enough between you when you married to consider a prenup, so did your reality TV contract take the division of money into account in the event of divorce?
How Will the Kids React?
The biggest question is how the kids will react and, for that, I think you will need some professional help because no one has ever faced this type of divorce before. You've got eight kids, lots of financial obligations to your contract, a shooting schedule that is going to drain you, a divorce that may not be so "friendly" and who knows what else will be thrown into the mix.
The kids will act out. There will be fights about dressing, eating and going to school, demands at bedtime, radical changes in behavior, tantrums, battles of wills and some kids will handle it better than others. How do you portion out your time to so many kids? My advice: watch the quiet ones because they may need you most. But in caring for those more fragile kids, you will be giving less time to some others. It goes on and on and that's why I say you need very experienced professional help. I opt for Mrs. Dr. Spock if she were around. She, as we now know, actually provided the material for her husband's very successful career. Yes, give me Mrs. Spock.
For now, prepare for the storm and help the kids batten down the hatches because as Bette Davis once said, "It's going to be a bumpy night"
http://www.drfarrell.net
Kids of the age of 6 have a hard time trying to figure out the world themselves and why things happen. When you have six of them, imagine the demands on any parent, much less divorcing parents, to try to accommodate each of those individual needs. At that age, children believe that divorce, while not totally understandable, may be because "I did something wrong" and that's why daddy is leaving. He doesn't love me, he doesn't like me, I did something to make this happen. It's guilt that has to be understood, soothed and handled in a gentle manner. And it's not always going to be pretty. These kids are going to act out as any hurt children do when they are afraid and their word is crumbling.
Jon, who at 32 admits he has a life ahead of him, has gotten himself ready for his new period of singleness and now sports diamond earrings, hair plugs and, supposedly, is looking for a New York City apartment. Memo to Jon: when your new girl friends find out that you are "that" Jon and you have eight kids under the age of 10, what do you suppose that is going to do to your new relationships? Get ready for the fact that you may be seen as a man who "abandoned" his very large brood of kids for the big city lights. But, then, you have those 40 segments that you and Kate committed to, so is America about to see the single side of Jon? Will Kate and the kids get to sit around the TV watching as you go on dates, vacations, try to juggle seeing the kids and the girls? And what about Kate? Will she find a shoulder to rest her weary head on with eight kids running around the house?
Then, I suppose, there's the matter of money and property. Both of you probably didn't have enough between you when you married to consider a prenup, so did your reality TV contract take the division of money into account in the event of divorce?
How Will the Kids React?
The biggest question is how the kids will react and, for that, I think you will need some professional help because no one has ever faced this type of divorce before. You've got eight kids, lots of financial obligations to your contract, a shooting schedule that is going to drain you, a divorce that may not be so "friendly" and who knows what else will be thrown into the mix.
The kids will act out. There will be fights about dressing, eating and going to school, demands at bedtime, radical changes in behavior, tantrums, battles of wills and some kids will handle it better than others. How do you portion out your time to so many kids? My advice: watch the quiet ones because they may need you most. But in caring for those more fragile kids, you will be giving less time to some others. It goes on and on and that's why I say you need very experienced professional help. I opt for Mrs. Dr. Spock if she were around. She, as we now know, actually provided the material for her husband's very successful career. Yes, give me Mrs. Spock.
For now, prepare for the storm and help the kids batten down the hatches because as Bette Davis once said, "It's going to be a bumpy night"
http://www.drfarrell.net
Patricia A. Farrell, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Patricia A. Farrell, Ph.D., LLC
Englewood Cliffs, NJ
