West Palm Beach, FL: Stop fighting about whether divorce is good or bad. It's here to stay. Let's focus, instead on how to educate parents about their role in affecting their children through divorce, insists author Rosalind Sedacca, CCT.
Sedacca, who wrote the interactive book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! is out to set the record straight. She says divorce itself doesn't scar children. It's unaware or intentionally selfish parents, blind-sighted by their emotions, that do the damage.
Sedacca wants to clear the air and challenge those who insist that no divorce is a good divorce. She questions the misguided belief that children are always and inevitably harmed by the physical and emotional separation of their parents. And she cringes at the thought that parents should – for the sake of the kids – just stick it out and not get divorced until the children are grown.
A divorced parent herself, Sedacca is very compassionate toward all children of divorce. She understands why grown children of divorce are particularly vehement in their anti-divorce perspective. "Too many of these adults have experienced the dramatic life changes that can come with divorce and feel permanently scarred as a result," she says.
But the blame, Sedacca emphasizes, rests entirely on the shoulders of parents who did divorce "wrong." She says it's not divorce that harms children. It's wounded parents who do not care, understand or see that their behavior is hurting the children the love.
It's vindictive parents who put down the other spouse in front of their kids. Or parents who decide they should have sole custody or primary influence over the children with little regard as to the kid's relationship with their other parent.
It's parents who confide their adult dramas to innocent children who just want to love both Mom and Dad. And it's parents who put financial gain and material decisions over the emotional well-being of their children.
In essence, it's selfish parents who put their own needs ahead of those of their totally dependent children when making life-altering parental decisions.
When these parents get a divorce, the consequences are not only sad. Too often they end up scarring innocent psyches. They forget -- or are ignorant about -- how their decisions will affect their children in the months, years and even decades ahead.
"While fighting to change the divorce system, divorce professionals need to fight even harder to reach out to parents with a reality check. We have to catch them before they make decisions based on resentment, anger and hatred rather than conscious compassion for their children."
Sedacca is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and a passionate campaigner for peaceful divorce solutions, based on her own personal experience with divorce. Her son, who was eleven when she divorced, is now grown. He's a strong supporter of her child-centered divorce efforts and wrote the Foreword to her book.
What makes her book unique is that it doesn't just tell parents what to say. It says it for them! She uses fill-in-the-blank age-appropriate templates to show parents how to create a storybook sharing family photos and history as a successful way to have the tough break-the-news conversation.
Therapists, attorneys, mediators, educators and other professionals around the world have endorsed the ebook, attesting to the value of Sedacca's innovative storybook approach. Six therapists contribute their expertise to the book, as well.
Her purpose is to raise the consciousness of divorcing couples so they will stop, talk and create a caring plan of action before having that first crucial conversation with their children. Then they can move ahead in creating a Child-Centered Divorce that is focused on putting their children's emotional and physical needs first through compassionate and respectful co-parenting.
Through her website Sedacca provides free articles, a weekly ezine, blog, coaching, teleseminars and other valuable resources for parents facing, moving through or transitioning after divorce: www.childcentereddivorce.com. She can be reached at 561 742-3537.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.