Golden, CO, Does bullying and teasing end when kids graduate from elementary school? Does it stop when they move on from middle to high school? Does it magically disappear when we become adults? Or is it sadly true that most of us will encounter bullies throughout our lifetime.

 

Sometimes protecting and rescuing is the right thing to do.

 

When life and limb are in jeopardy…or excessive bullying is causing severe anxiety, depression, or other mental health problems…our kids need us to intervene.

 

Nevertheless…

 

When we protect and rescue too much, it also places our children at risk for developing severe anxiety, depression, or other mental health problems.

 

Because we love our kids so much, it's often difficult to see clearly when they're experiencing discomfort or pain. When they scrape their knees, our knees tend to hurt. When their hearts ache over bullying, our hearts also get achy.

 

When we own their problems, our own feelings

begin to rub off on them.

 

Donna relayed how she felt when her eleven-year-old, Sarah, told her that some girls were refusing to sit with her at lunch:

 

"The pain was so intense I almost forgot I was no longer in middle school. It was as if I was the one being ostracized."

 

Donna also described how she made the transition from helicopter pilot to caring consultant:

 

"I realized, that for me, being a helicopter was really about trying to avoid the pain I felt when I was a kid. Now I had an opportunity to help my daughter by letting her have her own feelings…not mine."

 

Self-esteem is built when we overcome the challenges we face.

 

Donna continued:

 

"I guided her with some ideas for solving the problem, and I let her know how much I believed in her abilities. I was amazed by how proud she was when she made friends with some more welcoming peers at lunch."

 

Our kids take their emotional cues from us.

 

When we are fearful and anxious, they will be, too. When we model calm confidence, we're more likely to see it in them. In my new book, Bullying: When Your Child is the Target, I provide a variety of solutions for helping children and teens develop the skills and mental strength required to cope with this often challenging world. All are designed to help them become victors rather than victims.

  

Dr. Charles Fay

Dr. Charles Fay is a parent, public speaker and internationally recognized authority on parenting, education and leadership.  His new audio Real Talk on Technology: Guiding Your Kids to Make Good Digital Decisions is available at www.loveandlogic.com.

Media Contact:  

Monica Fay

800-338-4065

monica@loveandlogic.com