In the blockbuster summer hit film, Barbie, the title character is played with visual perfection by Margot Robbie. But there are many Barbies in this film. Robbie's Barbie is known as a “Stereotypical Barbie”, one floating through life on tiptoe and stilettos, blonde and always happy. Always.
In real life, this is exhausting for everyone. It's like watching any 1960s screen goddess on a perpetual film loop in which lipstick never smears and her pearly whites are shown as a carved-in-stone smile.
If you’ve ever had a friend who always seems happy, happy, happy, you know how exhausting that can be for you. Perhaps you’re wondering “Is her happiness real or fake?” Once you peer into her eyes, you’ll probably know she’s either faking it, or she’s one of a very tiny segment of society who has worked hard to reach happiness.
You may contemplate dropping her as a friend if you get the “no one’s home” feeling. Or you may wonder, “Should I pretend to be happy?” or “Am I bringing her down when I don’t feel cheerful?”.
Most humans long for authenticity and connection. Even Stereotypical Barbie finds herself needing and wanting more, dreaming of a different type of authenticity — one with the emotional risks and profound depths every woman is capable of experiencing. So it's important that you don't wade into the "fake happiness" pool and lose yourself — even if you do try to find a more positive outlook for yourself.
Five reasons Barbie-happy positivity is wonderful, but only if it's authentic.
Whether you see the world as sunny-side-up or doomy and gloomy all depends on your brain and not reality! For some people, there’s “situational depression” caused by real occurrences. For others, it’s “biochemical depression” when brain chemistry or brain wiring creates pervasive despair and hopelessness.
1. Most women want encouragement to be “real”.
When sexual liberation and bra-burning became a national movement in the late 1960s, even the ultra-powerful socialites of NYC shifted to miniskirts and stored their white kid gloves. While they still used cans and cans of hairspray, they were less uptight and more relaxed because it felt better. Some even began to think that faking an orgasm wasn’t worth it so they joined the sexual revolution concurrent with the feminist revolution.
If a woman is pretending to be happy, perhaps as the result of childhood directives that forced her to retain a pretty façade at all times, then permission to “feel and be real” will eventually make her feel authentic, human, and known. However, those with extreme biochemical depression may feel terrified of dropping their pretense of smiling from fear of seeing how far they will sink if they allow themselves to bottom out.
2. Empathizing with someone’s real feelings encourages them to “show up” in a more authentic way.
If you’ve ever visited a patient in the hospital who is faking cheerfulness so the visitors and nurses don’t pity them, here’s what can work. Giving someone permission to speak about the 3 human emotions of pain: fear, anger, and sadness, can be a gift for someone programmed for Barbie smiles.
You’ll have to pay really close attention to even guess about the challenge they are facing and if you do, here are 3 prompts to help you connect with them:
I imagine you’ve been feeling concerned about your career and you want to get that promotion, right?
It sounds as if you feel frustrated by your son’s grades because you know he is so smart, and you want him to get into a college; do I understand?
When your husband told you about his dream vacation, I’m guessing you felt disappointed because you were planning a trip to Tuscany instead of fly fishing; yes?
The first point to notice is you are only able to guess what someone else is feeling, you can’t know.
The second aspect is you begin empathizing with a negative “feeling word” which must always be coupled with a positive “need word” in order to encourage someone to open up.
Third, you are only guessing so end with a question instead of playing Psychic Hotline. If you use a compassionate tone of voice, they will usually begin to open up, although the time it takes you to make that connection depends on many factors including how robotic they were programmed to behave.
3. There are health risks to fake happiness.
You must distinguish between “Toxic Positivity” in which someone is ignoring and swallowing pain, and the natural joy of someone who has the right brain chemistry and/or inner tools. With a chronic false front of happiness, the body usually takes the hit, and disease symptoms appear over time.
In the 1970s, Louis Hay was one of the first to describe the connection between mental attitudes and symptoms. Famous for affirmations to increase well-being in the human body, mind, and spirit, she taught, “Every thought we think is creating our future.” which helped millions to become aware of the power of the language they speak, and the words they think. Unfortunately, this also can perpetuate the fake happy face among people pleasers.
Please enjoy the complete article on my Yourtango page
For Key Points 4 & 5 please click the link above including the SECRET to Authentic Happiness that we each can unlock!
The key to balancing your life between authentic optimism & faking a positive outlook is education to develop more self-awareness. When you do your inner work and master communication skills, you can evolve into the most authentic Barbie of all; beautiful in your own way, joyous based on your own values; and someone who creates her best life every day. This gives you true power, the ability to use the highest level of skills to focus on what you want until you manifest it without pretending that you've already arrived at your goal. When you look at a person who has reached this pinnacle of human experience you can look into a pair of eyes and see someone looking back at you, something that a mask can never do.