Downers Grove, IL

Friday, September 28, 2012

 

Every so often, life overwhelms me. As I read the news this week, I was hit with one bad news story after another and they began to take their toll. So my wife and I headed out to the woods to literally get away from it all, or at least most of it.

I was in the middle of a forest with no wi-fi, telephone, internet, or TV for God's sake. Some would call it a vacation. I called it survival. You can read about my exploits in this week's blog entry; http://www.daleirvin.com/blog

When I rejoined the civilized world, I was met with some shocking stories. Apparently President Obama turned down a chance to meet with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad from Iran, opting to appear on The View. It wasn't an easy choice for him to make. Think about it, Ahmadinejad or Joyce Behar and Whoopie Goldberg? Tomato, tomahto.

At least the real NFL refs are coming back to work. Now the replacements can return to their regular jobs at Starbucks.

There was craziness in the country while I was incommunicado, as well as craziness abroad so let's take a look at News From Around The ?World.

CANADIAN MONEY IS DIFFERENT

Dakoda Garren is a 19-year-old man in Vancouver, British Columbia who was arrested this week for stealing over $100,000 in rare antique coins. He took the money from Elizabeth Massman who hired him to do some work in her house. Thefts like this are usually hard to prove but Dakoda and his pregnant girlfriend made it easy for police.

They went on a spending spree with the money by going to a movie and getting a pizza. Both times they paid with coins...very old coins.

It didn't take the Vancouver police long to go from A to Zed to solve the crime but a lot of the coins are still missing so if you live in the Vancouver area, you might want to check your change.

BACK IN THE U.S.A.

For centuries, frat boys have been known for stupid, inane, and possibly dangerous stunts in the name of Budweiser. But every so often, somebody moves the moron bar up a notch.

At the University of Tennessee, the Phi Kappa Alpha fraternity, had a party featuring "butt chugging". For the uninitiated, "butt chugging" involves receiving - voluntarily, I hope - an alcohol enema. Your fraternity "brothers" gather around your exposed butt hole and insert some plastic tubing. Then, they turn on the spigot and you are on your way to learning how much fun a colonoscopy will be when you are 50.

Unfortunately, they pumped too much juice into one brother until he had a blood alcohol level of .40, significantly higher than his grade point average. He was treated for alcohol poisoning at the hospital where the doctor said "Alcohol wasn't the big problem. It was all the crushed beer cans in there."

THERE'S A LOT OF SEOUL IN KOREA

In the ultimate good news/bad news scenario, scientists at the university of Korea have found a way for men to live longer. That's the good news. Their study shows that men who are castrated have a longer life span. That would be the bad news. Here is my question; is your life really longer as a eunuch or does it just seem longer because you have so much more free time? Think of the countless hours you will save by not thinking about, looking for, or having sex; and will actually be able to use the internet to learn something!

Stay tuned. I'll find more good news for next week.

Dale Irvin

Professional Summarizer

Downers Grove, IL

630-852-7695