If you missed any of the Democratic National Convention last night, fear not. Just as I do for conventions around the world, I watched the convention with a summarizer's eye, and here is what I saw.
Day two began with the party platform being altered to restore the word "God" and to restore Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. There was quite the debate and not everybody is happy about it but they did a vote, fudged the results, and put the words back in. I'm glad they finally got it straight so they can get down to the real business of the day, wearing goofy hats.
With a start like this I knew I would be flipping around the stations especially since it is the opening of the NFL season with a game between the Dallas Cowboys and NY Giants.
But at the convention Nancy Pelosi, the former Speaker of the House came out and spoke in favor of using Botox...to shrink the national debt.
BULLETIN - This just in: Jerusalem said that Charlotte is not the capital of North Carolina. Raleigh is. Good to know.
The next speaker was Al Michaels, oops, I guess I switched over to the game. Anyhow, Al said that the game between the Giants and the Cowboys should be a beauty, and that the broadcast of the football game would kick convention butt in the ratings.
Back at the convention the politicians that were interviewed on TV, did masterful dances aimed at evading the question about why God was taken out of the platform in the first place. It was like watching a toreador avoid a horn in the butt.
The convention was really boring at this point so I turned back to the football game but that wasn't much better. It's almost halftime and the score is 3-0 Giants. Back to the convention.
Sandra Fluke (Fluk) came out to talk about birth control which she thinks should be free, but wound up trashing Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan instead, who apparently pay full price for their birth control..
Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren came out and said she was the warmup act for Bill Clinton, apparently not realizing that phrase meant something completely different in the Clinton White House.
The main event of the night was Bill Clinton who was introduced by his own movie.He came out to a huge ovation which didn't die down until the delegates found out he couldn't run for president again.
He said he never learned to hate Republicans the way the Republicans hate our current president. Really? Has he forgotten all about Nixon? Hell, even the Republicans hated Nixon.
Next, he got everybody to stand up and give Joe Biden an ovation. He was saluted for not saying anything stupid at this convention.
Then Ol' Bubba tried his hand at comedy and got some laughs so I'm thinking he's auditioning for his own talk show. I picture it as a hybrid of Dr. Phil meets The View, meets Hillbilly Hand Fishin'.
As Clinton spoke on, and on, and on, the Dallas Cowboys went ahead 17 -10.
Bill rambled on to the point that even people in the audience are starting to fall asleep. Quick, somebody poke Joe Biden.
He finally finished and out came Obama to hug him and the people in the audience toasted each other with Kool Aid.