Saturday, October 29, 2011

ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ:  The weather outside has been unpredictable for much of the US, the economy has not been the best and the holidays are coming upon us, so how do we perk ourselves up and survive holiday/New Year's stress?

Much of how we feel during the holidays is due to what we expect and that expectancy means we have more power than we thought. If you're suffering from 'The Holiday Blues,' what can you do? See it not as a given that you'll be stressed and running around, but that you can pick and choose how you feel and what you do. Remember this quote I heard: 'If you think something is impossible, it IS impossible.' So, to continue on with that line of thinking, look for the possible and make it happen.

Unhappy with how you're treated at work or in your home? Begin to turn things around. Learn to toss aside that awful word 'why' and emphasize the 'why not.' Gifts don't have to be enormous or leave you in debt after the holiday. Ever read the famous O'Henry short story called 'The Gift of the Magi?' It's about how love and sacrifice go together in very touching gestures. A note can be the most wonderful present you could ever give because it comes from the heart.

We're all stressed, but I think that the gift of time shared with someone you care for can be wonderful. Ever think of reading to someone, or making a pie the two of you can eat later or finding a hobby you can share with someone or even watching a movie together? These are activities that enrich your life and can, I believe, add years of happiness to it. Money isn't the key to the holidays; sharing, however you wish, with others is what it's all about. Remember those caring words, gentle touches and thoughtful glances that were freely given to you when you needed them. That is the real stuff of the holidays; remembering each of them as a gift you were given this year and being willing to give them back in return at this time of the year.

The holidays are a time to prepare for the New Year and to get a jump on how we can fashion the coming year to better meet our needs. New Year's resolutions usually don't hold up longer than a week or two because they have no plan behind them. It's fine to say you want to do this or that, but how will you do it? I can remember speaking to a preteen who said she wanted to be the next American Idol winner and, when I asked how she would do that, she looked at me as though she couldn't believe her ears. She told me she'd 'just do it.' I don't think it happens that way, but I wished her well.

Management schools teach people how to manage their businesses, but I wonder who teaches them how to manage their lives? All of us need to learn how to cope with the stressors we can't control and to re-direct our energies into things that we can control. I heard a business consultant lamenting how poorly people strategize and how they fail to think of how to attain their objectives. If having a happier, healthier life and happier holidays are your objectives now and for 2012, begin thinking about it right now.

Your Holiday/New Year Plan

How do you formulate your 'More and More (Happiness)' in 2012? Here are a few suggestions.

1. First, don't sit down and run off a list. Do what I tell my doctoral students to do; carry a small notebook with you and when you have an idea, jot it down. At the end of the week, look over your list and see which ones you really want and can start working on either now or after January 1.

2. Can you do this alone or will you need the assistance of someone in some way?

3. What will it mean for you in the future? How much sacrifice or effort will it take and are you willing to stay the course?

4. Who will provide the encouragement and emotional support in addition to just you alone? It always helps to have others assist in everything from holiday meals to decorating and keeping the conversation moving smoothly and pleasantly.

5. How much do you want this? There are only so many holidays you'll have with anyone, so make the most of them.

6. Do you have the resources now or can you get them? Split up the chores.

There are other questions you have to answer, so this isn't an exhaustive list, but it is a start. In effect, it opens the door to a new holiday perspective and future and you have to decide which works for you and how the journey beyond will go.

Want some help with getting your list in shape? How about using a simple, free mindmapping program? It will help clarify your thoughts on anything from preparing a holiday dinner, sending out cards, to presents and planning for the New Year. Go to FreeMind (check at http://sourceforge.org) and see what a great organizer you can become. You can even watch free video tutorials on the internet.

And, while you're at it, what about using some of those tried-and-true self-help techniques? Yes, I'm talking about relaxation breathing which can be especially important when a holiday topic gets a bit heated. Make sure you get enough sleep or you will feel the additional strain of the holidays and the guests. Watch your diet, keep alcohol to a minimum and practice seeing that "glass" as always half-full rather than half-empty. There are things for which you can be thankful.

You do have the ability and the power to find the good things in your life and to appreciate all of them. They may not always jump out at you and you may have to look a bit, but they are there waiting for you to see them.

Happy Holidays.

Dr. Patricia A. Farrell, Ph.D.

Licensed Psychologist

Dr. Patricia A. Farrell, Ph.D., LLC

Englewood Cliffs, NJ