Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Who's really running your home? In order for the kids to thrive, they must know that you are…and that your marriage is strong enough to weather any limit testing. Kids always benefit when they see that they cannot create a house divided.
A quick test:
The next time you and your spouse want to spend time together without interruptions, say the following in a kind yet assertive way:
"We love you. Right now, we are having some adult time.
Will you please go somewhere else so that we can have
some quiet time to talk? Thanks."
If your kids won't comply,
who do they believe is really running the home?
Prove that you and your spouse are united team leaders.
In my new book, Stepparenting: Keeping it Sane!, I describe a four-step process:
| 1. | Create a situation for the sole purpose of training the kids.
Simply have a nice husband-wife conversation.
|
| 2. | Ask your kids to give you some "alone time."
Be sure to ask in a soft tone of voice. Don't ask twice.
|
| 3. | Let them believe…in the short-term…that you are wimps.
When they refuse to comply, react with a casual, relaxed. "No problem. We love you too much to fight with you about this."
|
| 4. | Let empathy and consequences do the teaching.
Do this later…when you're both calm and collected.
|
One couple decided to buy their kids a top-o-the-line video-game system just for the purpose of this training session. When the kids refused to give them some space, the parents acted completely clueless. The next day, however, they provided a loving and sincere dose of empathy…then they returned the video-game system for a full refund. The stepmom admitted, "Even if I wouldn't have been refunded the money, the three hundred dollars was far less than sending kids to residential treatment, checking myself into an asylum, or hiring a divorce attorney."
Thanks for reading!
Dr. Charles Fay