"THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO ME!"
Who has not said those words? Maybe the catalyst was a crazed gunman, a raging fire, a bad investment, a terrorist attack, the ravages of war, being laid off from work, or unexpected illness or disability. It's hard to know what to do when such events overwhelm you, change the plans you had for your future, wreak havoc with your emotions, and challenge your whole notion of meaning and fairness.
Dr. Bev Smallwood (psychologist, experienced national media resource, and author of This Wasn't Supposed to Happen to Me: 10 Make-or-Break Choices When Life Steals Your Dreams and Rocks Your World, Thomas Nelson Publishers) points your audience to the secrets of dealing effectively with trauma and adversity. Bev points out that no matter how helpless people feel when they are reeling from pain and confusion after being hit by the "unexpected and unthinkable," they retain one very important kind of power: the power of choice. In fact, when tragedy strikes, people find themselves with 10 major choices, each supported over time by hundreds of tiny daily decisions. The choices they make either move them along the destructive road toward more emotional pain, spiritual unrest, and physical illness - or take them on the journey to greater strength, resilience, health, and peace. Dr. Smallwood provides the roadmap people need to implement the 10 choices, showing them how to take one step at a time on the pathways to recovery. Through the power of choice, they'll be able to move:
1. from Denial to Reality;
2. from Victimhood to Responsibility;
3. from Why to How;
4. from Doubt to Faith;
5. from Bitterness to Forgiveness;
6. from Guilt to Self-Forgiveness;
7. from Isolation to Connection;
8. from Depression to Grief;
9. from Avoidance to Courage;
10. from Powerlessness to Purpose.
Dr. Smallwood is prepared to explain the consequences of each of these choices and to examine the thought processes that go into them. She also offers practical, psychologically-sound action steps. At a time when the world seems to be in perpetual chaos, and especially when some tragic event is in the news, an interview with Dr. Bev provides insight and hope that lead audience members beyond personal trauma into a life worth living.
Dr. Bev may be contacted at 877-226-5323, by mobile 601-408-0735, or by email,
Bev@DrBevSmallwood.com. Visit her website,
www.DrBevSmallwood.com.
Sample questions:
1. Some say, "Time heals all wounds" Is that true?
2. After a tragic event, why do many people feel like they're going crazy?
3. When adversity strikes, what is the greatest antidote for that horrible feeling of powerlessness?
Choice 1: Denial vs. Reality
4. You say that the first choice is "denial vs. reality" Is denial always a bad thing?
5. They say, "The truth hurts" What should people know about that?
6. Are there different types of denial?
7. What kinds of questions could you ask yourself to move more into the realm of reality?
Choice 2: Victimhood vs. Responsibility
8. What's the difference between having been "victimized" and "becoming a chronic victim?"
9. How could members of our audience know if they've slipped into that victim mentality?
10. Some members of the audience may be dealing with someone who has that victim mentality, and they've wondered, "Why on earth would someone choose to live the miserable life of a victim?" Why is that?
11. If you find yourself thinking like a victim, what should you do to get out of it?
Choice 3: Why vs. How
12. When tragedy strikes, many of us are full of questions: Why did this have to happen? Why did it happen to me? Why didn't I see it coming? What if…" Why do you think we constantly ask questions like these?
13. A common question our audience members may ask after life drops a bombshell is, "Why?" Yet you say that "How?" is a better question. Will you explain?
14. What are some of those "how" questions?
15. What do you do about the tendency to get stuck in "what if?"
Choice 4: Doubt vs. Faith
16. Many people find that adversity shakes their faith. They wonder things like, "Why did God let this happen?" Does tragedy more often shake a person's faith or strengthen their faith?
17. Some people get mad at God, feeling that God let them down by not protecting them or their loved ones from harm. How can they work through that disappointment without becoming cold and cynical?
18. What part does faith, particularly religious faith, play in how someone deals with tough times? Is there any scientific research to back that up?
19. How can adversity actually make faith stronger?
Choice 5: Bitterness vs. Forgiveness
20. Why is it so hard to forgive?
21. Isn't it good to be angry sometimes? So how do you know if it's become harmful?
22. What if the person who harmed you has not apologized and is not sorry?
23. What are some of the things that keep us from forgiving?
24. What is forgiveness, really?
25. If you really forgive, will you forget?
26. How do you actually forgive? What steps do you take?
Choice 6: Guilt vs. Self-Forgiveness
27. Sometimes the most difficult task is to forgive yourself. Why is that true?
28. You say there is constructive guilt and there's destructive guilt. How can our audience members tell the difference?
29. How can we overcome that destructive guilt?
30. If you forgive yourself, will all bad feelings immediately go away?
Choice 7: Isolation vs. Connection
31. At a time when we need people most after tragedy or loss has occurred, we often find ourselves wanting to isolate. Why is that?
32. Isn't it good to have some time alone to think?
33. If you just don't feel like being with people, why should you push yourself to be with people?
34. If you've been isolated, what are some small steps you could take to re-engage with people without overwhelming yourself?
Choice 8: Depression vs. Grief
35. Almost everyone experiences some sadness after they go through a significant loss. What's the difference between depression and grief, and why is that important?
36. Are there some risk factors for developing clinical depression when you're grieving?
37. Some of our audience members are very good at keeping their emotions in control. Yet you say, "You gain control by giving up control" What do you mean by that?
38. You say that anger is not necessarily a stage of grief as some claim, but can actually be an inhibitor of healthy grief. Help us understand that?
39. How long should grief last, and is there any way to speed it up?
Choice 9: Avoidance vs. Courage
40. It's probably natural to want to avoid things that remind you of a very bad experience. Why would that cause problems?
41. What are some of the ways people use avoidance in an unhealthy way?
42. What is the secret for overcoming avoidance and moving back into a normal life?
43. You talk about choosing courage. Does that mean you won't be scared?
Choice 10: Powerlessness vs. Purpose
44. Some people cope with tragedy by saying, "Everything happens for a reason" What do you think about that?
45. Why is the discovery or rediscovery of purpose such a powerful part of the healing process?
46. Is it good to dive right into a cause after you've gone through tragedy yourself?
47. What questions can you ask yourself to discover your life purpose?
About Dr. Bev Smallwood
Dr. Bev Smallwood's impressive personal and professional backgrounds uniquely qualify her as an expert on this topic. Below is a sample of the author's credentials.
- Ph.D. in Psychology from the University of Southern Mississippi, as well as extensive post-graduate training in clinical treatment methods, forensic psychology, and organizational interventions;
- Licensed psychologist with over 25 years of experience working with people who have gone through traumatic events of all kinds;
- Disaster mental health worker for the Red Cross after Hurricane, tornadoes, home burnings, and other devastating events;
- Respected television and radio media resource who has appeared on MSNBC, CNN-fn, FOX Family, Geraldo on FOX News, Maury Povich, CBS Radio, TalkAmerica, the syndicated radio shows of Mitch Albom, Joey Reynolds, and Jerry Doyle, to name a few;
- Radio talk show personality in her own right; in the past hosted call-in talk show, "Dr. Bev's Working Smart," on WFMN SuperTalk, statewide talk station;
- Expert for print media, having been interviewed and profiled in such national publications as New York Times, USA Today Weekend, Washington Business Journal, Chicago Tribune, Cincinnati Enquirer, Self, Cosmopolitan, Women First, Entrepreneur, and Women's Health, as well as Reuters;
- Columnist for the Hattiesburg American newspaper; columnist for Medical News in several states in the Southeast; articles featured in many corporate publications and Internet sites such as WebMD;
- Founder and CEO of The Hope Center, consulting with such corporations as Pratt and Whitney, New York Life Insurance, Hercules Chemical Corporation, Rush Health Systems, Goodyear, and Hancock Fabrics;
- Founder and CEO of The Hope Center, a private clinical practice in which she has personally counseled or worked with thousands of individuals and supervised a clinical staff;
- Professional speaker, having presented keynotes and seminars in 19 states and 7 countries over the past 25 years;
- Forensic expert in court cases involving psychological trauma as well as criminal offenses;
- Past instructor for graduate psychology courses and supervisor of psychology graduate students in counseling practica and internships at the University of Southern Mississippi;
- Past provider of continuing education programs for psychologists and other mental health professionals;
- "Fellow" of the Mississippi Psychological Association, receiving this honor for "outstanding and sustained contributions to Psychology;"
- Past member of the Mississippi State Board of Psychology, appointed by the governor;
- Community volunteer, serving on the Boards of Directors of Pine Belt Mental Healthcare Resources and the non-profit organization Bridges; conducting a "Ten Choices" series for female prisoners; volunteering for various church-sponsored service projects;
- One of Mississippi's "50 Leading Businesswomen" in 2000, named by the Mississippi Business Journal.
